I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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