people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
