new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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