If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Come see our sink grown plant.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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