I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
