I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I pour the whiskey from now on
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
