Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
