we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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