Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
