Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
