Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
