if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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