For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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