a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
