my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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