i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
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I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
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I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
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