Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
