margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
