marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my phone needs a breathalizer
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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