Christians are straight up FREAKS
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
