Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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