I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
