even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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