I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My liver just broke up with me...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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