Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
