My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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