I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
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Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
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I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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