have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
