You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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