His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
