So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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