god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
