I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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