So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
