good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
