Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
