you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
