So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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