I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
