I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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