I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
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My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
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the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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