it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
