now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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