i love accidental penises.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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