please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
