I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
