Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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