why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
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After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
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I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU