he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
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He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
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I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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