The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.