DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD