I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers