I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
why is there glitter IN my vagina????