I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
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dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert