the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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