are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
