Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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