You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
