dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
