making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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