and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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