Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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