I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
