I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
