who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
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They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room