Texts From Last Night

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  (716): View more from New York

  i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...

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  (716): i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward... http://tfl.nu/0sye
  Replies (14) Good night (540) Bad night (4533)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.

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  (480): Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby. http://tfl.nu/ip7w
  Replies (12) Good night (5428) Bad night (1332)
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  (562): View more from California

  just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.

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  (562): just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore. http://tfl.nu/d75g
  Replies (28) Good night (5182) Bad night (1399)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night

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  (330): So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night http://tfl.nu/sszo
  Replies (4) Good night (1394) Bad night (2745)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.

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  (203): he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going. http://tfl.nu/qkax
  Replies (19) Good night (1620) Bad night (3282)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.

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  (812): I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking. http://tfl.nu/z4xo
  Replies (8) Good night (4145) Bad night (1177)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.

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  (517): Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying. http://tfl.nu/uj2j
  Replies (3) Good night (2087) Bad night (754)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.

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  (727): It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm. http://tfl.nu/84qt
  Replies (4) Good night (2053) Bad night (617)
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  (315): View more from New York

  The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  .....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....

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  (315): The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar..... (507): .....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls.... http://tfl.nu/yj71
  Replies (5) Good night (832) Bad night (542)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc

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  (314): I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc http://tfl.nu/aic3
  Replies (3) Good night (912) Bad night (1024)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus

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  (419): Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus http://tfl.nu/mjlu
  Replies (11) Good night (1578) Bad night (941)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.

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  (617): We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over. http://tfl.nu/57ta
  Replies (0) Good night (711) Bad night (284)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.

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  (505): It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row. http://tfl.nu/22so
  Replies (6) Good night (266) Bad night (524)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!

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  (623): Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies! http://tfl.nu/zfby
  Replies (9) Good night (363) Bad night (597)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...

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  (603): I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly... http://tfl.nu/93wn
  Replies (0) Good night (1111) Bad night (202)

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