He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate