You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
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he told me I talked like a deaf person
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
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I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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