I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
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you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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