So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
