I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
